On set at Sundance This month Filmmaker is publishing diaries from writers and directors who attended the 2025 Sundance Institute Directors Lab. Today we’re sharing the diary of Alexandra Qin, who traveled to the Lab with Thirstygirl. Here’s the description: “When Charlie is forced to drive her estranged younger sister cross-country to rehab, her own secret addiction comes to the surface in the most devastating and hilarious ways.” A complete list of Sundance Labs participants can be found here. — Editor
What they don’t tell you about the Sundance Directors Lab:
You’ll feel like a big shot when you land at the Denver airport. You’ll float a few inches above the ground because this feels like you’ve made it. Don’t worry. This won’t last long.
You’ll be scared. Not of the ghosts of the Stanley Hotel, but of making a fool out of yourself in this sacred setting. Don’t worry. This will absolutely happen.
You’ll live in a small room with very bad lighting. The only time you’ll spend here are the barely four hours of sleep per night you’ll get. You’ll desperately need more but somehow you also won’t.
You’ll take your first acting workshop. You’ll perform a monologue about suicidal ideation that’s way too personal. You’ll cry in front of everyone. With one small adjustment, Joan Darling will teach you more about directing actors than all the books you’ve ever read.
You’ll shoot and edit the practice “Osso Buco” scene. In 8 hours. You’ll be so terrified of making a bad scene that you’ll decide to make a bad scene on purpose, with bad lighting and stupid jokes and people burping and licking each other’s faces. When it plays in the screening room that night in front of everyone, it’ll be so outrageous, you’ll get a standing ovation, and Michelle Satter will tell you it’s the funniest Osso Buco scene she’s ever seen. For the first time in a very long time, you’ll feel like a good director. Don’t worry. That won’t last long.
That night you’ll go to a magic show. You get picked to go on stage and throw runes and the runes say you’ll make it out of here re-inspired. It’s been a long time since you’ve felt inspired. You hope this will be true. The magician hands you a piece of paper with the word “fate” on it and you feel fated to be here.
You’ll meet your film heroes—Gyula Gazdag, Catherine Hardwicke, Jomo Fray, Jason Reitman, Ed Harris, Nicole Holofcener, Joi McMillon, Karyn Kusama, Amy Vincent, Christine Lahti—and so many more. They’ll tell you they love your script. They’ll care about you. You’ll so deeply fear disappointing them. Don’t worry. That’s not possible.
You’ll shoot your first proper scene, and it will be a disaster. It will truly make no sense and when you watch it, you’ll wonder: “How is it even possible that this came out of you?” Your biggest fear has now come true: you are a BAD DIRECTOR in front of all your heroes. Truly bad. Like, embarrassingly so. You’ll cry for the 25th time at the lab, and you’ll pick yourself up and try again.
You’ll shoot your last scene. This time, you swear you’ll apply all the lessons you learned two days ago. You’ll push yourself to be better. You do. You get better. After the final screening, Jason Reitman says you get the “most improved award.” They don’t give awards at the lab but still, this means everything to you.
You’ll feel more alive than you have in years. More like yourself than you have in a long time. More held and seen than you thought would be possible by people who were strangers to you a few days earlier. You’ll fall madly in love with all the fellows, staff, advisors, cast,and crew. You’ll never want to leave.
But you will leave, feeling like you knew less than when you arrived, but also knowing that it doesn’t matter. You’re meant to do this. And if everyone else here believes in you, you have to find a way to believe too.
The runes were right.